A New Blog is Born!

Yours Sincerely Sofia Sunden 

A new blog is born!

 

Don’t listen to a word I say, I lie to myself all the time.

Read my words.

My heart speaks through my hand.

 

I wrote a letter to my family. A letter I did not want to have to write. A letter with a content which I did NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT. On a subject I would much rather forget about or pretend as if I knew nothing about.

But sometimes we need to do things that are uncomfortable, right? In order to get to, where we wish to be.

In order to become who we want to be.

I want to be more transparent. More honest, about how I feel and more honest about who I am. An important step, and yet scary, is to be honest about the side of me which I would rather forget about than to share with my family and friends.  Until recently, I have done everything I can to protect this side from exposure, hiding it from the people around me.

And from myself.

So much of my energy has been spent on hiding these problems, and pretend to everyone, myself included, like they did not exist.

Now,  I’ve had enough of this hiding. Instead, I want to stand for what happened and what I did to myself.  To share this with my family, was probably the scariest thing I could imagine to do.

Even though scary, I felt it was important to tell my family up front, what they might always had suspected but was never talked about, about my problems with various forms of eating disorders and thereby self destructive behavior which I have had since I was a teenager.

I have been bulimic during many years, and have had these problems on and off and in various periods, and I can see now how I have turned to eating disorders in those periods in life when things got though, instead of asking for help or dealing with the real underlying problems. In order to avoid the real problems, I kept falling back into my bad habit of self destructive behavior, by eating things I did not want to eat, and make myself sick even though not a single part of me really wanted to do that. In order to escape the real problems, if only for a while.

However, just over a year ago, I finally admitting to my self that I have this problem ( in the most brutal form possible, but that is, a whole other story!), and in the moment I did, there was no turning back, a wall burst inside of me, and I had no choice but to deal with it.  “Once you have seen the truth” Elizabeth Gilbert wrote “you can not un-see it”. So with the realization I had to deal with. And I have dealt with this issue, in various ways since. So now was eventually the time to tell my family, that I want to stand for what has been, rather than hiding from it.

And I realized that, That I had to do this.

This, as in tell them, and THIS as in, releasing

a New Blog into the world!

When I started my first blog “Brasilien-Bloggen” in 2014, I was living in Rio de Janeiro and worked with my independent research project about the social and economic legacies in Brazil hosting two sports mega events. I wanted a forum where I could write about my research in a more lighthearted way, and also write about my impressions about living in Brazil.

Just that,

just that there was one BIG mistake with the blog I created.

I forgot to put in what should have been put at the center.

My heart.

Writing for it felt more like a compulsory duty rather than something I wanted to do, since the topic felt more like something that I should be writing about as suppose to wanted to write about. So, I ended up not doing it very much. And I remember when I was working on three pieces at the same time, feeling unable to finish any of them, feeling they were not good enough, which also made me just

STOP

And drop the whole thing into silence for a very long time.

When I returned to it, it was still Something Missing, I only wrote sporadically for the blog despite that I write for myself practically every day.  Recently I wrote a post which went against ALL the previous posts, in English as suppose to in Swedish , and I wrote about something that engages ME, and something which scared me so much that I did not want to share it.

But I did.

It took me three months from writing it to having the courage to publish it. I felt fear running through my body as I was about to publish it and a big part of me did NOT want to do it. But I took one deep breath, and I pressed PUBLISH. And never before has so many people read and comment on what I wrote.

It was intimidating cause it was important to me, about my experience of an attempt to rape on my own street here in Rio de Janeiro, 100 meters from my house. My desire of sharing it, was thankfully greater than the fear of not talking about my experience . I shared it, since it came from my heart, and it was scary because it was honest and important to me. I could never have dreamt about how much positive support and amazing messages and greetings I received on the back of that! Literally from friends from all over the world. And that’s, my friends, are where we are now.

A new blog is born.

A blog, which is not focused around my work or necessary where I am living, the intent of this blog is to be about My Thoughts on things that I wish to share, from my heart.

I have for many years now, when I sign job applications, used a pdf picture of my signature, which not only says my name but Yours Sincerely, Sofia Sunden.

I love using it because when I do applications, I put my heart and my soul into that, and I like to show my complete honesty and that I did put my heart in there,  by signing it with “yours sincerely”. That signature is my way of ensuring that I mean what I wrote, every single word! Cause when I write, I am so close to the truth of my heart. As much as I love to talk (and do it a lot!) it is still hard for me many times to really say what I feel and think.

But when I’m writing..! When I’m writing, I can’t stop it!

It’s like my heart is speaking much easier through my hand than through my throat!

So that’s why my friends why you should not listen to a word I say, just read my words, cause, when I write,  it is like a direct channel from my heart into my hand.. My heart speaks through my hand, and now my friends, this blog is born from a really earnest intention to come from a place where my heart is.

There are no other rules about this blog, as suppose to one

This is where My heart will speak up.

Through my hand.

It may be painful to write at times, but that is OK.

From now on, let the heart speak, and be brave and be honest. Honest to me and honest to you.

Therefore, if you are ready, join me on this new journey!

I am certainly Not convinced I am ready for this! But I am going to do it anyway. Cause sometimes we need to do things we do not want to do in order to grow. Therefore, again, welcome on board and let’s see where this journey may take us! I hope you are ready, I am certainly not, But I am doing it anyway, I believe it will be an experience!

Yours Sincerely

Sofia Sunden

Rio de Janeiro, November 2016

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